Monday, November 2, 2009

Hunger Anger

I realized something today: I am a hunger hater. I get mad every time my stomach tells me it is hungry. I mean no one likes to be hungry, I know this...but I get seriously mad when I feel the slightest bit hungry. It's usually because I think I've eaten too many calories, or I just finished eating not too long ago, or there's nothing but junk to eat. I understand that your body needs fuel and needs calories and needs fats, so why do I get so upset when I'm hungry.

Oh, because I am absolutely terrified of gaining weight.

I try not to be psycho about it, since I know I go to the gym and eat really healthy, but the fear is still there.

For example:
Today's consumption:
B: Bowl of O's and unsweetened soymilk
Mid Morning Snack: Gala apple, water, two sips of gross coffee
Lunch: Leftover salad with romaine, artichokes, red and green peppers, onion, mushroom, kalamatas, and some balsamic dressing
*I thought the salad was huge, but was still really hungry after I finished it, so had to come back to my desk and eat my snack*
Lunch, part two: Fat-free peach yogurt and a Chocolate Chip ZBar
Afternoon Snack: Nothing because I ate it for lunch :(

I look at that and realize it's not really that much food and yet I won't eat a mini-Butterfinger because I'm paranoid. I have Bootcamp tonight which is super intense and I really NEED fuel...but stupid me felt like if I brought more food, I'd eat it. DUH, YOU NEED TO EAT! Stupid.
I need to stop by Whole Foods for more unsweetened soymilk, so maybe I'll take a look at the ridiculously expensive, yet ridiculously delicious salad bar.

Anyway, I just need to make smart choices about what I eat and not freak out about providing my body what it needs.

So after I wrote this, I went to WF and picked up apples, bananas, unsweetened soy, veggie burgers and cottage cheese (all things on my list). I also stopped at the salad bar and picked up some tofu, tempeh and veggies...but before I closed the lid, I stupidly glanced at the hot bar and the mac and cheese called out to I got a mini spoonful. Ugh. I ate the mac and cheese right away followed by all the veggies, and left some tofu/tempeh for my lunch tomorrow.

When I got home, I proceeded to eat a leftover chocolate cupcake from Halloween. This is why I probably should have had another snack.

Lesson: Be better prepared to fight hunger with SUFFICIENT lunches and SMART snacks.

The end.

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aardvarks are also known as "earth pigs."